Quintessential Cas
by Galactic Cannibal
Summary: Poor Castiel finds himself perplexed with the notion of interacting with human beings. Sam and Dean take it upon themselves to teach the angelic host how to be human.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter one. The little lost angel.**_

Castiel tilted his head slightly to the left, caught in a state of confusion that he found himself in so frequently in his short time amongst humankind. Well short being a relative term based on the fact the life span of an angel is grotesquely longer than that of any mans. Cas was watching television again. It offered great insight to the human persuasion. Most of the time the Winchester boys thought him to be Luddite, completely incompetent when using technology. He could not very well blame them since the cellular phone Sam had given Castiel long ago still perturbed him to this day. However, Castiel felt comfortable enough when using the television as it required no actual communication. He would not admit it to Dean or Sam, but it hurt his pride somewhat that he was not socially affable. He could not, as Dean said, 'blend'; hence his studies into the human psyche through the small box, or as he thought it to truly be, Opiate of the Masses.

His piercing blue eyes stared questioningly at the screen. A woman with a mellifluous voice and a heaving bosom leaned forward whispering into the ear of a one 'Dr. Sexy' as he was called. Castiel suspected her intentions were of the unsavory varitiety. He shook his head discouraged, and flicked his hand impatiently in the air, changing the channel in a very inhuman way. He needed to find a way to communicate with people and seeing as his vessel was a male, the actresses current means were not likely helpful to his predicament.

Casitel did not bother to stand from his seat on the edge of the hotel bed as he heard Dean and Sam Winchester approach the door. "Look all I am saying man is cake and pie are two totally different things." Dean stated and he entered the threshold looking over his shoulder at his brother behind him. "Dude how many times do I gotta say I'm sorry. It was an honest mistake." Sam replied earnestly."Yeah, yeah." Dean dryly mumbled as he chucked his car keys on the table. "SON OF A BITCH!" He stumbled backward, one hand on his chest. "Dammit Cas! Warn a guy next time." Castiel did not bother looking away from the TV. "I apologize, I should have announced my presence. Hello Sam, Dean." "What are you doing here Cas?" Sam asked finally making his way into the room and pulling the door closed behind him. "I was just borrowing the use of your cable connection. With your peripatetic lifestyles I thought I might take advantage of your current abode's commodities." Dean stood there with a blank expression for a moment. "Perp-purr...pep what?" Sam sighed heavily. "Peripatetic. It just means we travel a lot." "I know that!" Dean grunted waving his hands in a dismissive sort of gesture.

"So what's my favorite winged tax accountant watching?" He asked flinging himself on the worn, springy mattress. "Porn?" Castiel shook his head. "None of this programming is useful. I was hoping for something informative, but instead I am watching these vampires diaries. Did mankind find out about the supernatural? If so someone should go and tell them they are seriously misinformed. Vampires are not at all like that." Dean chuckled. "I can't watch that Romantic Touchy-Feely Self-Help Yoga Crap." This time Sam laughed. "This coming from the guy who watches Dr. Sexy M.D." "Hey! It's captivating...and full of hot chicks so you shut your mouth!" "Since when are you into watching TV Cas?" Sam asked Castiel. "I..." He sighed. "Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty." I have spent most of my life as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent and am unsure how to work these interpersonal relationships with people. It is becoming a hindrance on you so I am going to fix it."

Sam gave Dean a meaningful look. This was typical of them, these silent conversations. It was almost as if they had become close enough that they had achieved some form a telepathy with one another. Castiel thought it was most interesting. Sam seemed to say:"Come on Dean, we should help him." The Dean silently replies: "Don't you dare open your cake hole. He is fine. Cas doesn't need lessons from us on how to be human." Then Sam's eyes retorted with: "But he is our friend, he feels guilty or useless or whatever. We should be there for him." Dean sighed and rolled his eyes responding finally with a nonverbal agreeance. "Hell Cas if that's all...I guess me and Sammy could tell you a couple things. Some tips on talking to folks, though I am not sure why you would want to." Castiel stood abruptly startling both of the boys. "Thank you! This will be most effectual. Once I grasp this I am sure I will be most advantageous to the two of you." Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Man I have got a crap feeling about this."

**Okay so this first chapter is written in a very Castiel fashion. Even though it is in thrid person I decided to model it after the way I imagine Castiel's thought process to be. It doesn't divuldge too much in the way that he thinks, it is really just a set up for the story. If you guys like it then I promise to keep writing chapters on how they boys help their angel and maybe get more into Castiel's head...unless you would like to see the story change perspectives, like say go into Deans for example? Just a thought. Comment please and let me know what you honestly think or if you care for me to write more.**


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel watched the people pass by, most in a hurry, none interacting with one another. Sam and Dean had brought him to the local park in an attempt to teach him how to converse freely with others. The boys sat perched on a bench, while Castiel just stood by just gazing upon the humans.

"Cas you wanna sit down?" Dean asked in a baffled tone.

"Why would I wish to do that?" Castiel replied, eyes unwavering from his subjects for study.

"Cause you look like a serial killer just standing around staring at folks." Dean explained bluntly.

"Oh, well then certainly." Castiel took a seat next to Dean and smiled. Well it was what he referred to as a smile.

"Okay Cas," Sam began. "When you first meet someone their are certain topics that are appropriate for discussion, and cetain topics that are not. You have to know which is which."

"How can I determine that?" Cas asked intrigued.

"For starters you can't just waltz up to Joe-Blow yammering about demons and the apocalypse." Dean stated dryly.

"Who is Joe?" Castiel questioned, igniting Dean's reaction of an eye-roll.

"He just means that most people do not know about the supernatural and to bring it up will probably have them thinking you're crazy." Sam tried to explain softly. Castiel nodded, thinking about what else there was to bring up for discussion. He was 'drawing blanks' an expression that alluded to one's temporairly forgetting something of import. Sam noticed Castiel's struggling and offered up some topics. "Like, nice weather we are having, that is a lovely dress, what a cute baby."

"And you have to pretend to give a crap." Dean added.

"Alright...no insouciance." Cas replied slowly. His confidence swelled. He felt with his cerebral and intelligent methods, something as simple as the topics he was being given would induce trouble at all. "When may I apply this?"

"Oh um..." Sam was quiet for a moment, most likely musing. "That old man over there." Sam began, pointing over to a bench just like theirs not 20 feet away. "He is sitting all by himself. He would probably welcome some conversation...and older people usually love the opportunity to talk. Why not try talking to him now?"Castiel nodded once and rose from his seat, determination set in his eyes.

"I'm telling you Sammy...Cas is going to Screw the Pooch on this one." Dean said, leaning back on the bench in a lax pose. Castiel recognised this phrase as Dean used it often. It meant he believed Cas to be about to commit a grievous error. In spite of Dean's opinion Castiel traversed over to the bench, and took the seat next to the man.

"Hello." Castiel said in his gruff voice, startling the man a bit.

"Oh, hi there Sonny." The old man responded, now smiling. Castiel thought it odd that the man believed Cas to be his son but he was elderly for a human so perhaps he was confused as they sometimes got at that age.

"It is moderate to fair weather we are experiancing for this climate yes?" Castiel asked.

"Huh...oh. Yes. Nice weather. I came here from Milwalkee so all this sunshine does good for my old bones." He replied in a shaky, crackled voice; patting his knees and laughing a bit. Castiel looked over to Sam and Dean. Dean seemed to be pouting but Sam stuck his thumbs in the air and gave a reasurring smile.

"You are not wearing a dress." Castiel said next. The man just blinked a few times.

"No...That's right, I'm not."

"If you were, I'd compliment it...and you do not have an infant with you either..." He looked down at his brown penny- loafers, concentrating. "I can not bring up the Angel and Demon War so perhaps I will just let you speak. You are elderly so you might be eager to tell me things that I can feign my interest in." Castiel finally finished in his placid manner with a small smile, turning to face him and appear interested. The old man closed his near toothless mouth, and sat quietly for a moment.

"What are you some sort of wacko, boy?" He finally asked rhetorically before standing to leave his resting place on the bench, and traveling in his slow, elderly stride down the dirt path that led away from Castiel. Cas sat by himself for a time and wondered incredulously at where he had come to fail. Was he too verbose? Everything Sam had said seemed to be demonstrable...why could Castiel not grasp it? Finally Sam and Dean came over to where Cas was seated. Sam placed one of his hands on Castiel's shoulder.

"Don't worry man, that was good practice. We can try again."

Dean crossed his arms and snorted. "Dude, coming to the park was stupid. Cas shouldn't be trying to talk to Geezers..."

"What do you suggest then Dean?" Castiel pried forcefully; giving up on his circumspect approach to learning basic conversational skills.

"I know just where to take you..." Dean stated at last, a manaical smile stretching across his finely tuned features.


End file.
